Hack4Hope: There is Hope

One week left until the launch of Hack4Hope in my hometown of St. Louis. My team and I are very excited and I hope you share our news with friends.  Visit us at www.Hack4Hope.org.

We've been meeting wonderful student applicants through our application process:  An essay on "Life in St. Louis and what you would change." Here's another special entry.

"The one thing or things I would change in Saint Louis is the amount of young black men that are on the streets sagging their pants, smoking drugs, and most important is stop killing each other. These men are protesting over police brutality, but what is the point if you’re going to kill your black brother by God....If this was changed it could help the unemployment rate go down. Once this has changed our protest (peaceful) will finally sink into the prosecutors and justice would be heard. This will be in the history books. It will be read as the civil rights act over after a 200 year movement we have really overcome. Kids my age typically participate in video games, and sports teams. I know my generation has also done bad things such as smoking and fighting. You only get one shot this is my one shot. I will be very gracious if you accept me. Thank you."

Top 5 Reasons Why I'm TSUing

Three weeks ago I joined a relatively new social media platform called TSU. With my four websites to manage, LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Pinterest and Instagram trust me, I did not need another place to leave my social media imprint. My good friend told me she was invited to use it “and when you’re on it, it pays.”  I investigated further—especially after hearing a second source proclaim, “I’m on TSU. Have you heard of it?”  Oh yeah.

While on TSU for this short amount of time I’ve seen my bank earnings grow and met some really cool fellow information hounds (like me!) from around the globe.  My first impression of the platform was a good one, boosted by the fact that I came on during a charity tournament to raise funds through penny donations to some of the many verified nonprofits on the platform as well.  Earning, donating and sharing? This is me.

I tiptoed around a few friends who I knew were risk takers and asked them to join me on this journey (that’s called your Family Tree when those you refer come in on your invitation). Building  your network is essential in raising your income. And from where does this income appear?  Ads, of course. We are seeing ads in our social media lives everywhere else and we do not get partake in the profits. TSU launched with a different game plan. Ninety percent of its ad revenues go to the users, and only 10% stays with TSU. Another good friend who is a social media strategist asked me, “What do you love most about it?”

I named three things, but now that I think about it there’s more:

1) Charity. There seems to be a large community willing to host charitable drives, encouraging TSU users to spread the wealth to those in need. A penny can always be spared. We actually may change lives.

2) Community. So far decent people are following me and maybe that’s a result of the invitation-only platform. 

3) The potential for making money is quite seductive, yes. Once on the platform it’s pretty easy to see how celebrities with 500,000 or more followers are raking in significant earnings in their their sleep.  I'm averaging $.06 per day at the moment. I hear $1 - $5 per day is where most active users tend to hover. Push us forward, we may be unstoppable.

4) Finding genuine connections. I know everything on the Internet isn’t real, but I’ve already had some pretty valuable conversations with people with similar interests, and I’ve connected to global communities who are charitable at the core. Not a bad crew to call your own.

5) Gratitude. Checking in always makes me happy. Is it the lure of money? Maybe. It was easy to figure out the ads are targeted to my tastes.  And I’ve clicked through to do some window shopping. And who doesn’t love window shopping?

Posting to Facebook and Twitter can be done simultaneously through TSU, made easy by the click of a button. Friends on these platforms won’t miss you. They will be missing the opportunity, though.  And that is never easy to witness. 

My invitation to you is here at this link:  www.TSU.co/Nicoleedits. That’s .co without the “m.” I’ll do my best to keep inviting you to our TSU party. But, I have never been a fan of begging. I may keep my dignity with light courting. 

 


#RSChat #Charleston9

As filmmakers of color—independent filmmakers working tirelessly outside a Hollywood system that has yet to recognize the value of multicultural voices as a profitable business model—we work and continue to work to have our stories told by our own hand. As Black women filmmakers we celebrate the vehicle that allows our unfiltered testimonies to the lives we live and the joys, trials and accomplishments of those we cherish around us.  For more than two decades, African Voices Communications Inc. has provided access to a significant amount of literature from the African Diaspora—specifically film under their annual Reel Sisters of the Diaspora Film Festival & Lecture Series.  So many of my films have been celebrated by the sisters and brothers in my Reel Sisters family. I am thrilled to now serve on their advisory board as we continue this journey together.  And as a film family we are often called to correct history especially when it comes to media representations of the Black community.  With the recent murders of the #Charleston9 we at Reel Sisters knew it was time to lead a dialogue on the institutional racism that results from misrepresentations used to justify heinous acts. Together, we have the power to confront the real issues that have come to light. Filmmakers Stacey Muhammad (For Colored Boys), Mya B. (Afraid of Dark) join me (Little Brother) in confronting the racism that separates communities, unjustly and tragically. Please join us this Friday, 2pmEST for a Twitter Chat, Reel Talk:  Charleston (Hashtags: #RSChat #Charleston9). It is time for an open dialogue as we begin to heal.

Nicole's Diary - Page 17

It’s the kind of night where you get to lick the spoon. And I’m glad I did! I hear Nutella’s bad for the trees (sorry Nutella), so I picked up some equivalent hazelnut cocoa spread from the market that’s just as sinful. And, tonight, I allowed myself to indulge. If we’re going to live life to the fullest, then we have to enjoy the breaks.  It’s been a long week.  In fact, a week ago tomorrow lives in Charleston were changed in such a horrific fashion, it caused the world to pause.  So many worlds just stopped. The Confederate Flag wavers had to pause, so many welcoming Church communities had to pause, anyone with a soul had to stop and think for just one moment what were we missing?  Several have reached out to me for my assistance in elevating the conversation as a media professional. I consider myself a warrior—armed and ready to serve at a moment’s notice. In the next few days and weeks I’ll post what I’m up to for sure. But for now, as I keep my engine running I run into moments that cause me to catch a breath. That moment was today when I called Emanuel AME in Charleston and asked for the time of Friday’s service when their Pastor will be eulogized by President Obama.  The friendly woman on the other end told me. Then she asked if I was a member of the Church. I almost started crying. I told her, “No, I’m not. I’m just monitoring the situation and I am so, so, very sorry for your loss.” She thanked me and I expressed my condolences again and hung up with the information I needed.  What a strong woman of faith and I still can’t understand it all. I do know that tomorrow is not promised. And when you’re faced with chocolate, take the spoon.

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Laughter then pain. That was my past 24 hours. Laughs when we had our wonderful #EConvo Phone -In & Tweet with friend and comedic talent Hollie Harper (and such wonderful laughs from audience member Kyle Green).  Hollie gave insight to her brand of humor that turns a long-standing history of racial strife on its head with stinging satire. Then just two hours after our event, news surfaced that nine Churchgoers from the historic Emanual AME in Charleston, SC lost their lives to a deranged young gunman. This heinous act was quickly deemed a hate crime. Damn.  Both discussions have race at their central core. I know that for even one day in our lives--and in my lifetime--we will never escape the extreme feelings and actions the topic of race inevitably conjures up. This is an every day reality and an every day threat to everyone's freedom, not just people of color.  But oh, does this hurt and humor is only one coping mechanism. Too many other hours are spent grieving.  Why is this so?  As I mentioned at the end to wrap up last night's #EConvo chat, Hollie's creative projects--especially as seen in her sketch comedy show American Candy--bring so many so much joy because the majority of Hollywood material we are accustomed to (and unfortunately so too goes the creations of many budding screenwriters who desire a Hollywood career) begins with one premise:  Happiness is not our birthright.  People of color are destined to be the symbol of distress.  I would like to one day not have to live that in real life nor in the movies.

Call In and Chat with the Girls!

It's time for another EPIPHANY Phone-In and this time we're live Tweeting (@Nicoleedits, @AmericanCandyNY)!  Chat with us and hear what we're up to for the next few months. We'll have Industry Talk, Girl Talk...the works.  Talented Producer/Writer/Actress Hollie Harper, creator of hot comedy sketch show American Candy, is joining me on a conference call and with the two of us on the line anything goes. Oh yes...we have a new project we're working on together.  Want to find out what it is? Give us a ring at 218-486-3684 (passcode 501505) and join us on Twitter as well at #EConvo for what is sure to be a fun insider's view of how projects in indie-land come together.  Yep, we like to take risks, and hope you will join us for the ride! Talk to you Wednesday, June 17 at 8pmEST!

BOLD Times

After my live interview today with Freda Stukes and Gary 'Lil G' Jenkins, podcast host LeGrande Green sent the link to our conversation the other day.  Click here to listen to our 20 minutes of good cop/bad cop/Black men stopped.  We've been hearing about dangerous times of late. But here we give context and perspective.  Thanks for the dialogue, LeGrande!

On-Air Conversations

I'm feeling so fortunate to have a number of interviews scheduled this week and next.  First there's a national broadcast.  I'll be on "The Afternoon Drive with Gary 'Lil G' Jenkins & Freda Stukes" LIVE on Thursday, June 11th.  Tune in on 1100AM (Georgia), iHeartRadio, TuneIn, iRadioNOW.fm.  And I also had an enlightening conversation talking about the state of policing and Black men with lively podcast host LeGrande Green on BOLD. Will keep everyone posted on the release date. I hope to always have  a platform to dialogue about what motivates my passion to tell our story.  For our Little Brother films we promise "a conversation that will save a generation."  Won't you join us?

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A FaceBook post I shared the other day garnered a lot of attention. A lot. It had to deal with that moment you reconnect with the love of your life--if only for an instant.  Along with the post I wrote, "Pretty cool. If there's a person in your life who would make you react like this today then it was probably worth it."  Since my post and the stream of comments I know of one person who would do me in if I were in the same situation. I'm questioning the sincerity of the other.  But it's only a question, not a definition of our lot in life. Ulay, Ulay, Oh. Who is your 'person' and where did life take you in order for the connection to still remain so deep?

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Sundays are my Fridays and this was the end to SUCH an up and down week. The downs: two--well, let's say a few--setbacks on projects in the area of funding.  This is a perpetual struggle that yes, makes indie producers like me more creative but frustrated when put through the ringer for sure. The ups:  witnessing the work of the talented, talented individuals who keep me going.   It started with the screening of a Maya Angelou project Reflections of a Blessed Soul, which will be coming to market soon--that's if the audience present has anything to say about it. To hear such beautiful wisdom, such as "I am a human being, nothing human can be alien to me" was gold. The filmmakers received a standing ovation after the credits rolled. And it was such a simple concept. Just the way I like it: a camera, and a beautiful voice dropping pearls. Maya was with us that evening. I felt they should rename the piece The Visit. With that experience, the next night attending the debut of a live storyteller series from my colleagues at The Good Men Project (great job guys and gals--I may join you up there on stage one day--eeek!), the night after that, a strong come-to-Jesus meeting of my team that is taking one of our EPIPHANY Inc. projects into brand new territory with a vengeance, reflecting on two very important young men in my life who graduated with honors (Northwestern, here we come!) and capping off the weekend with live comedy and music from the uninhibited team from American Candy, I can face another week of putting myself out there.  Why not? I'm only human and denying my passions…not an option.

Manchild in the Promised Land

Tucson, Arizona sets the scene for our latest completed Little Brother film chapter. This is Chapter 5, our halfway point through a series that has taken us on a journey that neither I, producer J. Tiggett nor film consultant and psychologist Dr. Raymond Winbush would expect:  releasing film after film featuring positive images of Black males as told from their point of view.  Have you joined our community of supporters? Please sign up with us by clicking here.  For now, click on, watch and share our trailer for Little Brother:  Manchild in the Promised Land (Chapter 5 - Tucson, AZ). Request #LittleBrotherFilm copies for your school, house of worship or community organization from our distributor Third World Newsreel and visit LittleBrotherFilm.com for info on previous chapters as well. And invite us to your screenings for a Q&A! Let's continue this "Conversation that will save a generation." Please watch and #LoveItForward.

Getting Involved - Training Up our Youth through Tech

We are a "go" for our Hack4Hope Hackathon and six-month Hack4Hope Academy, launching July 10th in St. Louis, MO. It's a FREE weekend event plus continuing education program and online networking group for the youth from my hometown. As you have probably been reading my former city and surrounding suburbs have been in the news a lot lately with very negative press. And as I have mentioned to many and before on this blog, our dirty little secret is out. But what is right in front of us is the talent and promising futures of our youth. Through incredible partners who said "yes" to our invitation to join us, Hack4Hope is now launched. We hope to register 50 students, grades 7 -12, to start their career path and enhance their STEAM education through technology. One of our partners places novice coders in paid apprenticeships at $50,000 base salary. This is it, Everyone. We can help students who have never been driven before, now thrive. Let's go! Not in St. Louis? Neither am I, but you can still very much get involved by clicking here. Sponsors are needed and we have many opportunities with great benefits ranging from $1,000 and above. Your tax-deductible donation may also be paid on a monthly basis.  For example, $1,000 = $83.34 per month, $5,000 = $416.67 per month, etc.  Please share our sponsor levels here. Our youth need us and we have a partner who plans to take our model nationwide. Please share our website and help us register our young people for summer fun and learning at www.Hack4Hope.com. And see you in St. Louis!

Join us at Hack4Hope.com.

Join us at Hack4Hope.com.

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What does it take to write a screenplay? Patience and impatience, I find. Today I had to do one last rewrite of a feature script I completed last year. I'm entering it into a writing program that is quite selective. It's one of those "God, I hope I get it. I hope I get it" moments. I don't like those. But it's cool. Because getting it would be amazing for many reasons. And at this stage in the game, you always have to have Plan A, B, C and D in the works and all of those are at hand. I am just one person, though, so here comes the patience part. Days have turned into months and it is time to move this script forward. People associated with this story have passed on, already, and that should have already been a kick in the rear.  On the other hand, the months (and years!) to savor a script really make for better development of character and story. So I'm grateful. Impatience assists greatly in the area of procrastination. Yes, I still work a morning (very early morning) gig where I would be fully within reason to come home and collapse, but time waits for no one.  Writing sessions are three hours for me, I find.  So the discipline has to be there to plow through the well-deserved downtime. Tonight was no different. I am also taking advantage of the three-day holiday weekend. As an artist, there is plenty of solitude and even more temptation to cast away many invites to be social. So this weekend I divided my time in half.  I did three hours of social and three hours of steady, productive writing. Tomorrow is six hours of more writing on a different assignment and editing the trailer I did not get to last weekend (aarrrgghhh). But the reward is in knowing that on Tuesday, I will be 90% there and I will actually give myself of reward of going to see a film. Yes I will put clothes on and see a film in the theatre. Where it feels like I haven't been in ages. Writer's solitude allows for that too. And if a film with a script that screams, "I could've written that" doesn't motivate me, not much else will. To all of the writers out there, cheers to getting it done!


Hack4Hope and for Dreams

This week, a dream is coming true.  Hack4Hope and Hack4Hope Academy is a new initiative from me and a team of fantastic St. Louisans--friends (old and new), colleagues and tech entrepreneurs who have come together under my company's nonprofit arm, An EPIPHANY Conversation, for the purpose of bringing tech innovation, design and career choices to the underserved youth of St. Louis, MO and its Metro Area. Please visit us at www.Hack4Hope.com.  To be on the ground floor of an exciting initiative that started with an idea just a little more than a year ago shows how coding skills and education in this space can change lives. It has definitely changed mine.  I have always wanted to give back to the youth of St. Louis--especially those from the North side along the Highway 70 corridor where I spent my first 10 years.  I want to tell the students there to dream big and not to worry about the Ivy Leagues or other traditional models that may have not yet written them into the script. And this applies to communities throughout the city, counties and beyond. The ability to revolutionize your world is within you the entire time. And, by Divine design, it surrounds us every day as well. That is actually the root of my company's EPIPHANY name.  There really is a reason we get an idea so "all of a sudden." It was already placed there for us to discover and receive.  This weekend we will launch our registration page for 50 students and dozens of mentors to enjoy an exciting weekend Hack4Hope Hackathon, July 10-12.  This will begin a long-term membership with our Hack4Hope Academy, a series of continuing education courses in leadership, strategy and coding in addition to networking meetups and an active online community for students in 7th to 12th grade. They will know that through Hack4Hope they have a support network that sees a focus on STEAM as a clear path to success and, most of all, an opportunity to develop as independent thinkers and positive contributors to their communities. Will you join us in championing the youth?  Please consider a tax-deductible sponsorship (for as little as $1,000 and in-kind as well, with lots of goodies in return) and share this post with others. Thank you for making our dreams come true!

Follow us on Twitter @Hack4Hope.

Follow us on Twitter @Hack4Hope.

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Today I found out that my mortgage payment has gone up $600 per month. My tax abatement has run its course. Yes, I'm still in shock. And I don't even live there. I had to move out of my house due to the crime in the neighborhood I invested in. It's getting better, I hope. I've felt worse pain. Let me back up... 

Ever since going to Chicago for school I seem to move every two years. Sometimes it's been a year or less, but on average it's two years. Considering I graduated more than two decades ago that's a lot.  After I moved from Chicago to LA to finally settling in New York City in 1997 I thought it would slow down. You're lucky if you move here and you aren't always seeking out the next apartment because you heard about "a deal." You know what may make you stay put? Meeting actual movers. IMHO, some of them should be in jail.

Moving to Manhattan, I knew I was going into a 400 sq. foot studio.  So my yard sale when I left LA alleviated me of extra "stuff." Done.  But a year later I had an opportunity to move into a house in Brooklyn. Much less money and with the extra savings, I financed my first film. My sister had just moved and the foreman in charge of the truck was pretty cool. So I called him up and we were good.  I don't remember him breaking my bank. Three years later, though, he was not a mover any more and I had no referrals. I had an opportunity to move from Brooklyn to Harlem. Why not use a Harlem truck? My sister saw one on the street advertising their services.  The guys came over after sunset (really late) and the deal was that after packing the truck with my things we were to pick up a roommate I had just acquired and pack up her things as well. She was also a Brooklynite moving to Harlem. What happened during our move? The guys showed up late, yes, but did I mention also inebriated? Yep, drunk movers--at midnight--with two pickups and a bridge to traverse. Both of us as new roommates were disgusted and a bit squeamish at the same time. Mainly pissed. There was no time to switch. There was no staying as apartments are re-rented quite quickly.  Off we went! We made it.  

Fast forward two years later and I was to move around the corner to an apartment by myself (ahhhhh).  I decided this time:  reputable moving company for which I am willing to put out some real dollars (we're talking $1500 to move a one bedroom apartment, sans tip).  I went to the phone book (we had them back then) and talked to a salesperson. Note: He never sent anyone out to survey the volume of items. He gave me a rate and a schedule. I was to be the first move in the morning. On moving day the guys were late. An hour into our scheduled time, I called. The guy who answered the phone--not my salesguy--told me the truck had a flat tire on the freeway. They had to wait to get the tire fixed. I was surprised, but understood. But by 3pm that day I heard the same story. Still waiting for the tire change.  At 10pm, the movers showed up. Exhausted. "The flat tire was that bad?" These guys looked at me like, "What?"  "Lady, we've been moving people all day." So I was lied to. And I had a four-hour move ahead of me. They did a quick look around my apartment filled with boxes on a third floor walkup. "Lady we can't do this tonight. Can we come back tomorrow?" What I failed to say was in this apartment, there were no locks, unfortunately, on the beautiful woodwork that was the door to the hallway.  And an addict lived on the floor below (unaware to me when I agreed to rent).  He had no problem approaching me over and over for a few dollars and one night felt aggressive enough to come upstairs at midnight to make another request.  My defiance could not keep him off another rental cycle. This was a dangerous situation as I never paid him a cent and felt I could not hold him off any longer. Plus he was much bigger than I. "You're f--- moving me tonight!!" I screamed to the movers with my eyes welling over in tears. "You're f---- moving me tonight!"  I couldn't take it any more.  My patience--and now my dignity--was tested and tried. "Man, she cryin'…." On this night, in front of total strangers, NYC pushed me to the edge and I just lost it.  Luckily my friend happened to call at the same time. I picked up the phone and she knew to come right over. The guys had a call to make themselves--to another truck. Two trucks, six guys and a wrap at 2am I was now around the corner to my new Harlem apartment.  I can't even remember if I took the following day off, but I knew I had to find a spot on the mattress where I could collapse.

There actually was a good part to this. My friend said, "Girl, why didn't you use Flat Rate Movers?"  "Who?," I asked? They were a little pricey for me but you are not held hostage by incompetence, greed or lies. I am now their walking commercial. I moved to Jersey--into my investment property in 2008 when the economy went south.  Dealing with a mortgage is preferable to dealing with the unknown of a city that knows how to hustle. Well, I think I do too and trust I have recovered. To all of my NYC friends in all five boroughs with whom I share this experience, I feel your pain and you're welcome.

Peace of mind will cost you.

Peace of mind will cost you.

Nicole's Diary - Page 11

My weekend calendar is a typical work day for any independent artist I know.  It only works if you make a list.

  • Two morning news editing sessions (Sundays are my Fridays)
  • Two one-hour+ workout sessions (love dance class and my walks in the park)
  • Research from two library books for more character development on the supporting role in my BESS screenplay (my library books are due Monday--eek!)
  • Creating and submitting a budget for a commissioned marketing video (It's always good to construct a draft, then revisit it with fresh eyes the next day)
  • Writing and distributing the agenda for Monday's weekly conference call on our new educational tech initiative in St. Louis, Hack4Hope
  • Editing a trailer for the latest Little Brother documentary release
  • Contacting the subject of my next article
  • Sending out requests to track down guests for my the next Twitter chat I'm hosting
  • Reading a friend's script (I have four to do before Wednesday--oy!)
  • Contacting our celebrity director for our next Little Brother chapter (can't wait to tell everyone who it is and where we'll be filming!)
  • And, oh yes, my cousin's birthday celebration is scheduled as well

Are there enough hours in the day? Not typically. But I have practice now making two days out of one by using the incredible convention of naps. I love naps. This is the year to focus, yes, but believe it or not, this is me not being all over the place.  It's important to reward yourself as well. I have events to attend almost every evening next week.  That's rare. When writing I usually squirrel myself away at home. I haven't been out too much this month, and I get tons of energy from human contact. So back out into the sun and warmer evenings of New York I go! Very grateful. And I'm having fun, so no complaining here.

Our video project and television series that follows the building of communities.

Our video project and television series that follows the building of communities.

Where I'll Be This Week

Looking forward to a radio appearance on the Ohio radio program "Front Street" Wednesday evening at 4pmCST/5pmEST. Please click here for the stream. Also, if you're in Brooklyn on Thursday night, CeeCee's Film Salon at Calabar Imports Bed Stuy Popup is streaming Little Brother: Things Fall Apart and Little Brother:  The Street with intro by COMMON (chapters 1 and 2) for the shoppers at 6pmEST.  Click here for info as well. We're out in the streets! And with all that is going on in the news these days, Little Brother stays in the conversation. Let's discuss and listen to the Little Brothers' advice on keeping cool. Please share. Thanks!

Nicole's Diary - Page 10

Still thinking about the end to a gorgeous day. It truly was gorgeous outside and it's a gift when you even get to experience it for an instant. A few circumstances made my day complete. First, I'm working on five projects from my company and all seemed to have a positive move forward within a 24 hour period. Is that luck? Nope, this took months and years of patience, learning from experience and some fantastic teamwork. My goal at this stage is to be writing and directing full-time by 2016--with a commitment to continue my role as an educator/mentor as well. What was really cool is that after 15 years in the business, now is the time to have eagle-eye focus on what your strengths are. When it comes to writing, I have good original ideas, but when it comes to screenplays, I quite enjoy writing adaptations. For Spring 2016 I am planning to be in production on a microbudget feature. It takes discipline to film on $75,000 budget, but if you start out with a character-driven script in essentially one location on a 15 day shoot, it is quite possible. My friends are doing it and now I'm joining the club.  I'm excited. Thrilled even moreso since I recently gobbled up a book that was sent to my mailbox by a contact from a documentary I filmed last year. After the first few pages, I knew it was the perfect vehicle for a 90-minute drama with some incredible insights. I spoke with the author a few hours ago and she's quite excited. We're workig on the contract as early as next week.  What makes this dream real is that I am surrounded by folks who want to help. That's gold. That's the gold that gave me the wings for my first documentary feature all of those years ago.  I can't wait to start writing and I'm considering enrolling in a workshop to keep me on schedule and accountable for my self-imposed deadlines.  Writing a new script takes about three hours a day for me, and when the characters are speaking to you it's tough to take a break. I can't wait. I'm cleaning off my desk by Monday. The work starts next Tuesday.  Happy times.

Keep your eye on the prize!

Keep your eye on the prize!

Nicole's Diary - Page 9

As I've written before I have a property in Newark, NJ that thankfully (finally) has good tenants. Source of peace. But there always has to be a little rumble when you're a landlady. I didn't know it would come in the form of my lovely landscaper. He's gotta be 75+ in age. He really is a very nice man. We've actually never had a conversation for more than 15 minutes but I feel as if I know about every ailment that slows him down these days. So sweet. He knows little about my personal life, but feels the need to always ask, "You got that ring on your finger yet?" Or like the last call, "What you need is a man to whisk you away to an island and propose!" I have no idea what this has to do with how high the grass and weeds are--and as of today, they are! There is no answer for him when he "goes there" except, is marriage the only option?  For some it is. He doesn't like hearing that. Maybe it's a generational thing. I found that years ago when you let that idea go of marriage being the only option it makes life a LOT easier.  So young ladies, take note! Life is not a Disney movie. :) When I really assessed my life, I realized I'm very passionate about everything, including those with whom I become very close. But when I'm creative in my work, I'm in control of my happiness. When you hand it over to another, well...I don't want to piss off my married friends so let's just say from what I hear marriage is a lot of work and I work hard enough. And even when there are a few bumps in the road, at the end of the day I really enjoy creating, writing and screening for audiences out for a cultural feeding. It is quite a thrill. My landscaper is not the only one who badgers me.  And I know it's because he thinks I'm about 10 years younger than I actually am. Yes, the fertile years. A lot of women refer to these as "the best years of my life." Society puts pressure on women over forty enough. Last year that pressure was self-inflicted. I had to decide which surgical vs. medical option was going to rid the female plumbing, let's say, of numerous tumors that were growing inside my body.  Many women have to make a choice. We just don't talk about it. Why? I feel a lot has to do with what others (potential mates) will think about us.  I had just been in an experience where I know I less desired because I wasn't 10 years younger. With that knowledge of why this guy left and now faced with a medical issue all at once it became a tough tough time. Devastating, actually. But it helped so much to speak with friends (and there turned out to be many who could finally divulge this secret) who have been in the same situation. Your fertility cannot define how much you choose to enjoy your life and for too many of us it does. But you know what's worse? Hearing "Man, I'll bet you'll have some pretty babies with her! I know you'll have some pretty babies." Now, a year later, it really stings hearing--or not hearing--that. No one ever knows the full story, do they? Must remember to revisit that "words can never hurt me" motto. Neither can bouncy 25 year old women who have the oldest men at the club--who really don't want the responsibility of children--vying for them. I'm just sayin'.

After posting the thumbs up from my recovery room, I was showered with good thoughts and prayers. So blessed to have the support. Very grateful.

After posting the thumbs up from my recovery room, I was showered with good thoughts and prayers. So blessed to have the support. Very grateful.